Archive → March, 2009
Monsters vs. Aliens
Yesterday we headed out and caught the latest masterpiece from Dreamworks Pictures, Monsters vs. Aliens. Once again Dreamworks delivered with an all star cast to do the voices for the characters including Reese Witherspoon (Legally Blonde, Cruel Intetions, Sweet Home Alabama), Hugh Laurie (House), and Seth Rogen (Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, Superbad).
The story is that of a motley crue of hero-esque monsters who were captured by the U.S. Government and held captive from the world, you know an Area 51 type conspiracy thing. An evil alien squid comes to Earth with the intent on capturing and extracting a valuable energy source to power his ship and begin the process of creating his own race and planet. This is where the Governments cache of monsters comes in and the adventure and laughs ensue.
The story was a lot of fun, I mean what kid (or kid trapped in an adult body) does not love the idea of MONSTERS kicking ass and fucking up aliens while making you laugh at the same time? If you don’t like that sort of thing, you just plain suck 
. The story was not really original IMO, it seems like I had seen this sort of movie several times in different reincarnations, but being that it was animated with such a cast, that really brought it to life.
The cast really made these characters soemthing great, their facial expressions mimicked the actor who did the voice and it really adds that much more to the fun aspect of the movie. All of characters are hilarious in this and once again Seth Rogen shines as he always does as Bob, the blob. This movie was packed with funny one liners and some good old adult humor you can expect from Dreamworks. I laughed my ass off, and everything about this flick was fun. You should go see it. NOW! 
Sometimes I hate my dog
TODAY WAY NOT MY DAY!!!!
Anyway, sometimes I hate my fucking dog. I came home from a pretty much shitty day and I had dinner and I wanted to relax. After relaxing for a few minutes I decided to go take a shower since I would likely end up in bed soon and don’t like stale cigar pillow from not showering.
So I head into the shower, fire it up and climb in with my back to the shower head. I start washing my body and notice a strange foul odor. I turn around and look down and their is a BIG STEAMING PILE OF DOG SHIT. I about vomited. It was one of the worst smells I have ever experienced. It was not a couple logs either, nope — it was runny and nasty, good ole diarrhea.
I choked and cringed and convulsed while trying to wash it down the drain. Had I seen it before I got it soaking wet, I’d have attempted to clean it with a paper towel. Now their was no going back, I had to hold my breath and try and wash it down the drain while retching and dry heaving. I was so fucking pissed and disgusted. What kind of foul beast takes a shit in a mans shower, a place where he physically cleanses himself after a hard days work?
If I had seen him at that moment, I’d have kicked him. Fucking dog.
Winston Churchill has no place in the oval office…anymore
I found this link after hearing one of my customers talk about the news story, before I get too far into this let me make it clear as a PROUD American, I support and have defended the U.S. Constitution, however I am not a huge fan of the current office of the President of the United States. Anyway onward with the linkage:
So it turns out that our President Barack H. Obama sent back a bust of Sir Winston Churchill to England which was a gift for the oval office from former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair. The bust has since been replaced with a bust of President Abraham Lincoln, a worthy replacement — no question. However I can only speculate as to why Obama REALLY sent the bust back? I think that it’s because he’s still butt hurt that Churchill ordered action against the Mau Mau Resistance in Kenya in the 50’s one of Obama’s relatives was a member and was in detention for several months due to his involvement. Criminals getting detained for crimes, novel idea eh Barack?
I also feel that he was intimidated by the bust. He knows in his heart that he can never be as an influential as Winston Churchill and that each time he made a decision with bust of the cigar smoking, booze loving British diplomat that he would have to ask himself, how would Winston Churchill handle this? He was afraid that he would never be able to make decisions similar to those of the great British diplomat and that people could potentially criticize him for that seeing as he had a bust of the man in his office where all the decisions are made. Once again, this is all speculation on my part, but I have a feeling our President is not the fun loving, happy go lucky guy he “plays on TV” rather he is an angry, pompous and grudge holding man and this is why the bust is no longer part of the oval office.
My apologies to the Commander-In-Chief, being around a statue of such an influential man, must be tough for someone with such a lack off caliber as yourself.
Please keep track of your pets!
I was just sitting here at my table in the garage having a cigar and the neighborhood wandering dog aka Tyco came into the garage and laid his head on my lap. He’s a sweet dog, but what pisses me off is his owner lets him wander around the neighborhood shitting on peoples lawns, making messes, and causing trouble.
I love dogs, I mean love them. If I could have 5, I’d be happy. However, it pisses me off to no end when someone cannot handle having one. Letting your fucking dog run rampant in your neighborhood is neglect, I’d hate to see how people like that deal with being responsible for another human life — they cannot even handle taking care of a dog properly.
I don’t really understand how this dog always escapes from home or if his owner just lets him out because he does not give a shit. I have half the nerve to go over there and tell that sorry fuck if he does not want to take care of his dog then give him to me because at least we would take care of him, however that would make Spot sad not being the only dog — so it won’t happen.
I am always cautious about dogs that I don’t know, friendly or not. They could turn on me at any second. I don’t think Tyco would bite me or anything, but what if someone else thought he would and called Animal Control? I wonder if his sorry piece of shit owner would even care? Hell, I’d call Animal Control to get him picked up if I thought it would teach the fucker a lesson. However, with my luck it would end up being Tyco’s death row and his owner would not even bother picking him up.
Ugh, I’m done. If you’re a dog owner or any pet for that matter. Keep your pets in your home and love them, don’t let them wander the streets and potentially hurt someone or themselves, it’s not cool. Not cool at all.
Leaving your car at work is no fun
So I am sitting here at home, all day. Yesterday at work I decided to have a couple of 22 oz beers with Pete when he stopped by and hung out at Knickerbockers. He only had one beer when I ordered a second and one of my customers who I have taught what little I know about single malt scotches bought me 2 fingers of Glen Rothes Reserve 10. So in the matter of 3 hours I had 44 oz of beer and 2 fingers of Scotch.
This is where I had to make the tough decision. Did I feel drunk? No. Was my vision blurred? No. I felt fine, however I weighed the possibilities that something could happen should I get behind the wheel of a car. I decided to make the right decision and leave my car at work in the parking garage. At worse leaving it there could get it towed or ticketed, none the less the repercussions for driving while intoxicated are far greater than any parking ticket or towing bill.
My point, sometimes it’s not fun to make the right decisions, however I’m glad I decided to hitch a ride with Pete rather than drive home because I might not writing this blog right now if I had decided to drive and got arrested or hurt.
Sorry, no funny blogs for the week or angry. Nothing funny has happened and nothing to make me angry has happened.
Recent Comments