Archive → April, 2009
A French Dip done wrong, REALLY wrong!
Last night Pete and I went to El Toro Brewing Co. in Morgan Hill. It was our intent to get a bite to eat and a couple beers before heading down the street for a cigar. I am a huge fan of the French Dip sandwich. Anyone not familiar with the sandwich, I’ve provided a photo and the recipe calls for a white roll, sliced ROAST BEEF, and a cup of au jus. I opt to add swiss cheese melted over mine because it adds to the sheer deliciousness of the sandwich and if you go to a a really awesome place they put the meat in au jus before putting it on the bread.
Anyway, fast forward and Pete and I are at El Toro and looking over the menu. I’m having a pint of 
Poppy Jasper Ale and he is having a pint of their Kolsch. I am debating between Fried Chicken and the French Dip. Pete warned me before we got their to set the bar low as their food isn’t all that. I figured I’d go with the old faithful French Dip. I order it and finish my pint and decide we are going to be out for quite a few more hours, so I decided to have a pint of their Oatmeal stout. My sandwich shows up and immediately I notice something is not quite right.
My sandwich is not made with sliced roast beef at all, rather STEAK UMS. If you’re not familiar with steak ums, they are a nasty processed steak like meat very comparable to processed roast beef in both taste and texture. I take one bite and exclaim“BARKEEP! SUCH INDISCRETIONS HAVE NOT GONE UN NOTICED – YOU MAY HAVE DEFILED THE TASTE BUDS OF OTHER MEN WITH THIS SANDWICH, BUT YOUR END IS NEAR!!!!” [calls to his book of spells and pulls a lightening bolt from under his robe....errr wait. Where am I?]. Anyway, so yeah. I got processed steak in my French Dip, processed fucking steak. Don’t get me started on the kraft swiss slices either, not even legit cheese from a block, fake cheese. I know you’re reading this Peter — WHY DID WE GO TO EL TORO??? Next time you need a “guys night out” we are going to Rock Bottom and smoking our cigars on the patio.
I won’t soon forget this El Toro, your lack of real meat on my sandwich is UNFORGIVABLE!
A very special cigar
I decided since my long road to become a Mason had finally started to take a turn towards my ultimate goal (being a Master Mason), that I needed a special cigar to commemorate such an occasion. Thankfully I have quite a few friends who are vintage cigar collectors, or snobs if you want to be a dick about it.
I consulted a good friend who never smokes anything younger than about 20 years. We talked on the phone for about an hour before I decided on what I wanted to purchase for the celebratory smoke when I am raised to Master Mason. I decided on an 80’s Dunhill Mojito. MRN reports that Dunhill was a rather short lived brand, only available from the late 80’s to 91 and imported into Hong Kong via Davidoff stores.
I decided on this particular Dunhill not only because a friend recommended it, but because I’ve read a lot of good reviews on it. Some have said it to be spicy and floral with hints of cedar, always maintaining vintage tobacco flavor and impeccable construction. This has been a “Holy Grail” cigar for me for sometime and I’m glad to finally have it, the Sunday I return from being raised a Master Mason — I will enjoy this fine cigar and if Max is nice, I might let him have a few pulls as well.
You can expect a review of this on the blog after it’s smoked and I return from Columbia.
The Controversy with waterboarding
Lately their has been a ton of stuff all over the news in regards to waterboaring as a means of torture during the Bush administration. It’s my understanding that Mr. Obama plans to indict certain members of the administration for authorizing such means of “torture”, give me a break. It gets me thinking every time I hear about someone whining about some piece of shit terrorist getting their “civil rights” violated. I understand that we are the United States of America and one of the supposed poster children of Diplomacy for the rest of the world. However, that does not excuse these piece of shit terrorists that we are capturing and using waterboarding on as a means of extracting information.
For those of you unfamiliar with the technique, here it is:
“The waterboarding technique was characterized in 2005 by former CIA director Porter J. Goss as a professional interrogation technique. According to press accounts, a cloth or plastic wrap is placed over or in the person’s mouth, and water is poured on to the person’s head”
Do people fail to realize that these men are murderers, known associates of the likes of Osama Bin Laden — THAT NAME RING A FUCKING BELL???, and just all around bad men? It’s not like innocent Men and Women are walking down the street and a van pulls up and 10 guys in tactical gear hop out and throw then in the van and go and perform this means of extracting information on them. No, we are talking about fucking terrorists who will kill YOU, YOUR FAMILY, and whoever else they can at the same time.
These individuals come from a country where they have no civil rights, a 3rd world shit hole for most of them, we capture them and hold them prisoner for Crimes Against Humanity and all of a sudden they are entitled to civil rights? FUCK THAT SHIT — these guys need to be hanged, shot, burned to death, or fed to fucking alligators. They are the scum of the Earth and don’t deserve to smell our shit. Have we forgotten September 11th already? Had those men lived, would they be granted civil rights do you think? Fuck no, people would have had a shit fit if anything less than them being hanged in the town square would have happened.
If you don’t agree with water-boarding as a means of extracting information, why don’t you go over there and ask them for some information — see how far it gets you.
It’s a cigar shop, not a living room
I love working in a cigar shop, it’s a blast. However, sometimes I wish it was not so “relaxed” for lack of a better term. My case and point is we have a lot of customers who come in and hang out for hours on end and have become quite territorial. They make new customers feel unwelcome and they almost always horde the televisions and make a large mess.
Today one of our customers (not a big spender or anything, usually purchases 1 or 2 sub $10 sticks) was watching the Military channel when I was informed by another customer that the NBA Playoffs were on. I changed it to the playoffs. He says to me “What the fuck? I was watching something”. I informed him that it’s the owners rule that sports takes precedence when other T.V. is on. He then throws his hands down in a rage, tells me “This is BULLSHIT” and storms outside. Mature, I know.
I could understand his anger if this was a private club and he paid good money to be able to sit here and watch T.V., however this is not a private club and he is simply a “guest” in our home. I don’t understand why some people get so bent out of shape. This is not their home, if they want to sit and watch whatever they want, they should do it at their house.
I want adults to act like adults. This is a cigar lounge, not your fucking living room. Stop acting like a child, all it does is make you look like a whiny asshole. It’s a cigar shop where men want to come and smoke cigars and watch sports.
Sports. Not the Military channel, not reality TV, SPORTS.
Monster Energy B.F.C.
Today Bill came in from getting cigarettes to stock the shop with and in tow was a huge case of Monster Energy. He was acting like a kid who just got a new bicycle, doing everything but jumping up and down. We are a Monster retailer so I did not think anything of it — I figured he just really liked that flavor, until I looked closer. This Monster is like no other heart attack in a bottle I’ve ever seen. I present to you, the Monster Energy B.F.C., I can only assume the acronym means BIG FUCKING CAN, in which case that’s no lie.
This big MF comes in at a whopping 32 ounces and 108 grams of sugar and 400 calories. Now I’m not caloric Nazi by any means *looks at gut and shrugs*, but Jesus H. Christ — 400 fucking calories and 108 grams of sugar? Who ever created this elixir of heart plaque is a fucking maniac. They should have included a defibrillator with each case of the elixir of death, you know for when someone drinks it and goes into cardiac arrest? It’s going to happen, I know it. I KNOW IT!
If you drink a 32oz Monster you’re either high on Meth, bat shit crazy, or you want to die. None the less, I suppose if you’re going to then get the defibrillator ready and let the good times roll, you crazy fuckers.
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