Darrell Mogg DOT NET

My tribute to Wacko Jacko via Moonwalker

Darrell | 25th Jun 2009 | 3 Comments

So in honor of the passing of Wacko Jacko I decided to resurrect him in the only way I knew other than music. I download the ROM for Michael Jackson’s MOONWALKER video game, this atrocity of a game was released on the 16 bit Sega Genesis. So I start the ROM and instantly I hear “Smooth Criminal” playing in 16 bit. Over and over.

So here is the screen at the beginning of the game, look at those graphics. Jesus Christ – he looks worse in 16 bit than he did in person, who knew that was possible?

The game play of this shit is both completely whack and quite ironic. You’re Michael Jackson in a white zoot suit, moon walking around these multi story buildings saving children. Michael only seems to save little girls which is ironic, as I don’t think that really fit his MO. Here is a photo of him after saving a girl, odd placement of her close to his body…

OH SHIT MIKE, RUN YOU MOTHERFUCKER the cops are here. Oh wait, those are the bad guys, yet they strikingly resemble police officers. I think they are cops and knowing how Michael rolls they are definitely hiding these kids from him and as he finds them they have to go after him. So these guys aren’t bad at all, they just don’t want the kids Mike is “saving” to end up fucked up like Maculay Culkin.

Good thing Mike was able to take care of those pesky G men, getting in the way of his molesting. His trusty monkey Bubbles has been dispatched as well and he’s taking NO prisoners. I am not sure what the point of having bubbles in the game was other than to have him sit on Mike’s face as he moon walked around, come to think of it….that must be the ONLY reason he’s in the game. Kind of like in real life.

WHAT THE FUCK MIKE?????, grown up Maculay Culkin is here and you’re not going to catch him. He’s not going down on you, errr going down again and ending up in bed with you at Neverland. He learned his lesson and not even Bubbles can help you catch the elusive grown Maculay Culkin.

22760 points later and I am dead. This was 20 mins of my life I can not get back and to make things worse, I’ve got the 16 bit version of smooth criminal stuck in my head and Thriller is on the radio to add insult to injury. Rest in Peace, Wacko Jacko — this is my tribute to your odd and perverse legacy, you creep.